In an unsurprising turn of events, actor – Sam Elliot, and his moustache have agreed to part ways. The moustache, who gained sentience in the year 1992, first made demands for freedom three weeks ago.
Over the years connoisseurs in the world of facial hair styling have lauded Mr. Elliot’s moustache for its liveliness. The moustache, who identifies as female, has chosen to go by the name Cassandra Tickler. It is unclear at this time what Tickler plans to do with her new life.
Questions have arisen regarding the living situation between the two now. Some argue that Cassandra only exists while she remains directly under Mr. Elliot’s nose. However, it appears that Miss Tickler is willing to take the risk.
When reached for comment Mr. Elliot was despondent. Many young people who are not familiar with his vast, varied and impressive body of work simply know him as ‘The Moustache Guy’ in ‘A Star is Born’. Even when reminded that he was in Road House back in 1989 sans Miss Tickler, he made the argument that he did have stubble – essentially, the beginnings of Cassandra.
Miss Tickler has yet to comment but has waved gently to the left in a breeze.
The Ipe Collection 