Have you been watering a dead plant?

According to the internet, this is a frangipani. Or maybe tulsi or a moneyplant or quite possibly a mutated twig. The point is, it is quite clearly no longer with us. It’s gone to vegetation heaven. Or for younger readers, it’s gone to a farm in the countryside, maybe it grew into the farm. Despite all of this, my father insists on watering it.

Is this a euphemism for the act of holding onto the vestige of a past that no longer holds any relevance to you in the present day? No, this is literally about my father continuing to water a plant that is quite clearly deceased.

Some months ago I found myself complicit in his denial. Neither of my thumbs are green and my knowledge of plant-life is minimal at best. So when I was staying with my parents and both of them decided to travel, I took it upon myself to water said plant. Only later did I find that this was a needless favour I was doing.

Maybe it is admirable to refuse to lose hope even as you look at this withering image. But imagine for a second that instead of a plant, it was an animal. There you are, hanging out with Fido’s (your dog) slowly rotting corpse, saying, ‘Fido, why haven’t you eaten? It’s been six months!’ That’d be quite alarming wouldn’t it?

Personally, I have no attachment to the plant. In an attempt to garner affection from myself towards it, I shall give it a name. Sir Plants-a-lot. No, too long. Keanu Leaves. Keanu has been lost. We need to bid farewell to Mr. Leaves. We all grieve in our own ways. However, people much smarter than I refer to a similar pattern when it comes to dealing with grief. How does this apply to weak-looking plants?

Denial

This is the stage in which you’d find my father. According to the Kubler-Ross model, in this stage the individual believes the diagnosis is somehow mistaken. Now, with more sentient beings (I understand that plants are sentient too, but, c’mon. Are they really?), it’s a lot clearer that you’ve lost them. Your dog used to pant and roll around in muck. Now it’s really, really not doing that. Maybe you’ve decided to go to a taxidermist to preserve the memory and worry your friends for your sanity. You can really only deny it for so long. With a plant, it’s different. It’s a lot easier to deny you’ve lost a plant because it basically feels the same as when it was alive. It has been one whole year since Mr. Leaves was declared dead.

We all need to take our time in every stage. However much time you need. But if it’s a plant you’re mourning, no. Plants are plants. Acknowledge it.

Anger

Usually this manifests in a single question. “Who is to blame for this?” Is it nature? Yes. Yes, it is nature. It’s a plant that you watered when it lived and continued to do so even when it died. It’s not your fault. You can move on, dad.

Of course, this question has not been asked yet because we’re still in the denial phase but here’s the answer anyway.

Bargaining

In terms of plantation, it’s fair to assume that no one understands how this step works. Nor do I. I will go so far as to claim that this is not even a real stage of grief.

Depression

If you’re a millennial or younger, I’d assume you are generally in this stage to begin with. The earth’s dying, art’s losing value, and basic necessities are getting more expensive. We’re essentially being charged for not having a good time, it’s a nightmare. You’ve probably already developed your own coping techniques. Fantastic.

But does it account for a lost pet? If it does then a plant should be no worry whatsoever. This’ll be a breeze.

But what if it doesn’t?

It’s important to stay active, stay in touch with loved ones, eat healthy, and seek professional help if needs be. If you do decide to speak to a professional. Well, maybe you should reevaluate your human-plant relationships. No shame but it’s weird. Calm down.

But we all deal with things in our own ways. Even if it’s weird. It’s just a plant, you can grow another one.

Acceptance

One day, hopefully soon, you will learn to accept the situation. You can keep the memory of Keanu Leaves close to you, even as you move on. The two don’t need to be exclusive of each other. But, to reiterate, it’s a plant. It’s not going to mind being replaced a minute after it goes.