Memories of life before Coronavirus now classified as ‘distant’ or ‘hazy’.

After much debate it has been unanimously decided that all mentions of life before coronavirus struck shall now be referred to as ‘a distant memory’.

Remember your uncle’s wedding back in January? Well, it should be quite hazy because it was a long, long time ago. If instead, you can recall it perfectly, that is your mind lying to you, it happened ages ago.

Any recollection you have is a lie. You think you ate an asparagus salad? No, you did not. Asparagus isn’t even a food, its probably an ancient Greek god or something.

The decision to term that era preceding the ongoing pandemic as ‘distant’ was made by a group of amateur historians who happened to forget that World War 3 almost happened this very same year.

That led the group to the realization that life before covid-19 was far enough back for them to ask each other, ‘remember the good old days?’

Of course, they weren’t quite ‘good’ old days. World War 3 isn’t a good thing. That’s a sentiment that one member of the group made sure to put firmly on the record. They do not support a possible third world war, they simply acknowledge that almost everyone forgot that that happened fairly recently.

One man when asked (over zoom, we can no longer walk up to people) said, “I’m told that I used to go to some place called an ‘office’. I’m not really sure if I’m pronouncing that right. I keep finding these pictures on my phone of me next to people. It doesn’t seem like something I’d do, based on who I know I am right now. It’s weird.”