New form to be filled out by Russian opposition includes field for “Preferred Date of Assassination”.

The act of assassination involves a lot of variables and is often easy to get wrong. Also take into account that novichok takes time to be made, probably. In order to ease the process, a new form to be filled out by Russian opposition members will include a field for preferred date of assassination.

There are no questions about whether or not the assassination will take place. As soon as you decide to oppose the existing government, your fate is sealed. The only sticking points are when, where and how, and now, the soon-to-be assassinated people will have some say in that.

To streamline the process of their tragic yet, let’s face it, inevitable demise, they will have the option to pick the date on which they would like to be assassinated, the method by which they would like to be assassinated, and who or what they would like to frame for their murder.

The date of assassination is very important as the government’s official murder-division will need to plan their days off accordingly. The team specialising in poisonous compounds in particular, need time to carry out their concoctions.

This leads directly into the following field, which is the method of assassination. If one is set on having a Sunday murder, so that you don’t have to go through the effort of living through an extra, exhausting week of fighting facism, then not all methods will be available. For instance, if all the men with spiked mallets are busy that day, then the victim will simply have to choose another way to go.

Finally, the form also deals with the fallout. Normally when Russian opposition is murdered, they have to go through a whole denial phase. It was decided that it would be much simpler to allow their victims to decide which non-governmental person they would like blamed for their murder.

Let’s see if this saves any time.