The next best ways were revealed to be feigning deafness, followed by flinging fecal matter, and finally; saying “I know you are but what am I?” repeatedly.
A comprehensive study has found that the most effective way of winning any argument is to simply be louder than whoever it is with whom you are arguing.
The study which interviewed masters in the art of debate found that nearly all of them, despite years of practice and being well reputed said that they were powerless when face to face with someone louder than themselves. They’ll throw out their well-structured logic only to be shot down immediately by semi-coherent, angry ramblings. What is worse, they say, is that despite offering nothing of value, the louder person will walk away with the smug satisfaction of believing they have just bested someone verbally and mentally.
The ultimate pairing for that particular technique is to also feign deafness, thus creating an unstoppable force. Any point brought up will not be heard and will be rebutted with a high-volume opinion instead.
A participant in the study mentioned a real-world example of having spoken for ten whole minutes without interruption only to be met with the words, “did you say something?” Absolutely heartbreaking story.
Another technique that was mentioned was flinging fecal matter. Participants in the study did mention that this was only performed by monkey and monkey-like beings but found that it was highly effective in shutting down anyone – human or otherwise – who disagreed with them.
The final method is popular among children. Simply repeating the phrase “I know you are but what am I”, regardless of the context. Unbeatable.
One shudders to imagine the power of a being that manages to combine all four methods.
The Ipe Collection 