Man who has not exercised in 56 years thinks Olympic athletes these days are weak.

He may not have exercised in 56 years but a man with seemingly no history of any athletic activity and who has never been involved in anything remotely competitive has offered a passionate criticism of Simone Biles following her decision to focus on her mental well-being.

Fellow athletes have offered encouragement and praised her for prioritizing an aspect of one’s health that is often forgotten when it comes to sport. But those are just sportspeople who are familiar with the highest level of physical competition. What we need at this moment is to hear the opinion of the most annoying man we can find. Preferably someone who has a bad opinion about everything.

Sure, he may have no valuable experience in any field even remotely similar to what we’re discussing, but he is sure to present a contrarian opinion and declare it as fact.

Before he even does it, there are things about his dumb-shit opinion that we already know about based on his awful history. It will be designed to be discussed for either its crudeness, its rudeness, or lewdness. If younger people can be denigrated, then that works for him. Are they not part of either the status quo or elite? Great, he can be the perfect ghoul.

Maybe he will declare Simone a quitter. Despite very famously and also very recently quitting his own morning show after the tamest of critiques. That is okay though. The most strenuous form of exercise that he’s ever done is shifting goalposts.