“Good luck with my massive debts. Sorry, your massive debts.”
A town’s local screw-up has expressed his relief following the theft of his identity. While most people in his situation would be worried, or at the very least – mildly concerned, this man was jubilant. After amassing a level of debt that would make even the staunchest of debt-relief advocates stand back and say, “Hey man, at a certain point, this is kind of, your fault”, he was desperately hoping for something like this to happen.
“When you lead the life that I do, you spend a lot of time wishing someone else could take over for you,” said the man who was unfortunately named Dick Fiddler. “But, most people who are smart enough to commit identity theft do not value mine. So, it seemed unlikely, to say the least. I owe so much money. Someone else is Dick Fiddler now, and for that I am grateful.”
It is reported that previously, the man would receive up to six separate texts from former loved ones requesting him to “drop dead” or “get stuffed” or “shut the hell up” on a daily basis. But with his phone now presumably in the thief’s possession, it appears that is yet another weight off of his shoulders. With 127 different email subscriptions, it is unclear what the thief’s motive may be.
Were they not aware of what they were stealing? Is this just a test run before a bigger get? Dick went on to say, “I’m now just hoping he doesn’t give it back to me, y’know? This is your problem now.”
When asked if he fully understood that just because someone else had all his details and was assuming his identity, it did not mean that he no longer has to be Dick Fiddler, he responded, “What? Why?”
The Ipe Collection 