‘I know where you live, I know your schedule, I am going to carve your guts out with a hatchet and…’ Okay this goes on for 5 pages. Who would ever bother reading this? The scariest thing about this is the ‘please turn to next page’ at the bottom of each page.
For me, if anything goes on for longer than a paragraph, I’m going to question whether I even want to skim through it. Whoever authored this possibly vicious – I don’t actually know if it is vicious – threat should have added a TL;DR at the bottom of the booklet. This was so pointless. They probably busted out a thesaurus to pen this novel. What an absolute waste. It’s unhinged. The concept, not the content. Again, I do not know the content and likely never will.
Right, I get it. You want to murder me. That was evident in the first line alone. Subtlety and brevity are key here. Imagine if it were just that first line. The mystery alone would kill me. There’s an old saying in show business. Leave the audience wanting more.
They think I’m lax, a little impatient, yes, yes, very good. It’s insane that they want me to fear for my life when I now have to plan out my day to read this silly note in parts. Honestly, think a little bit more before sending out threats. There were so many more efficient ways to get my attention, keep it, and then make me shit myself.
A dead rat maybe. What about a picture of me with my eyes crossed out? Way more spooky than words on paper. When they switch to all caps, am I supposed to flinch? At least put some anthrax in the envelope.
The scariest thing about them is they tried to make me read.
The Ipe Collection 