1.DENIAL Picture this. It’s Friday evening. You’re lying on your therapist's couch and recounting all that’s wrong with your life. Your dog is behaving very stand-offish, you learnt that it’s not practical or kind to replace it with a lemur, your wife claims your newly grown moustache is a disaster, and sadly, yet again, you …
“Don’t Get Me Wrong,” Starts Man With Horrific Opinion.
A man in a restaurant has announced his intention to share an opinion that is sure to be appalling, by using the phrase “Don’t get me wrong”. His fellow diners had just begun a discussion regarding the suffering of certain groups of people who happen to not be present at the table. Given how he’s …
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Tricking Your Child Into Believing You Resurrected Their Pet Fish: A Guide.
Allow me to set the stage. You find yourself in the presence of a bawling child. Its tears are cascading down its tomato-red face as it comes to terms with the concept of death. This child just so happens to belong to you, so the thought of sliding out of frame to an undisclosed location, …
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Newly Divorced Man Bumming People Out
Thirteen people have been thoroughly depressed by a newly divorced man in the Towney area. The suspect has been identified as Lucas Chadwick and he is armed with a photograph of his attractive former spouse and a half-eaten cheesecake which he claims was the last meal they had shared together, policeman Roger Cavendish told reporters. …
Drogon is a Dumb Name
Game of Thrones was a well-crafted and engaging show. So much so that for seven whole years, I completely glossed over the fact that Drogon is a dumb name for a dragon. Imagine naming your dog, ‘Doog’ or ‘Dag’. What did Drogon eat today? Goots? I know there’s a perfectly good reason behind it, but …
INSPIRING: This cop now takes 5 minutes longer to give up on solving a Rubik’s Cube!
In an inspiring display, local cop Alfred Dunn took five minutes longer than usual to hurl his unsolved Rubik’s Cube at the furthest wall. It has now been 16 years since he was gifted the 3D puzzle from his currently incarcerated mother. Coming into the police department, where he is a high-ranking detective looking into …
3 IDEAS FOR THE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG REDESIGN
A little over two weeks ago, the trailer for the Sonic the Hedgehog movie was dropped, and viewers were left horrified by the film’s ungodly rendering of the blue speedster. Whether or not you have any idea what Sonic is supposed to look like, it's agreed that a CGI anthropomorphic hedgehog with human teeth and …
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Dear Mrs. Henchman #47
Dear Mrs. Gargan, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your husband has passed away due to injuries obtained after falling into a shark tank in the workplace. We believe he did not suffer after the first twenty or so minutes of being thrashed around by our resident shark, Mr. Tibbles. …
The Ipe Collection 