Millions Suffered When Liverpool Won the League

To be clear, this is NOT to suggest that Liverpool Football Club are in any way responsible for the ongoing pandemic. It is merely stating two separate facts. One; that there is a virus that has caused illness and unemployment on a global scale. Two; that Liverpool are on course to lift their first ever …

Personality Quiz! Which terrible event from 2020 are you most like?

Are you Covid-19, the Australian Bushfires, the threat of world war 3 or a goddamned murder hornet? The year 2020 is now five and a bit months old. Halfway there and we’ve seen so much absolute nonsense. From a pandemic to the death of a sports icon to the sudden appearance of murder hornets (What …

“I’m a lion, you can’t tame me” – Man blissfully unaware that lion tamers exist and that his metaphors are stupid.

A man has just excused his rambunctious nature by likening himself to a lion. Stating that much like a lion he can not be tamed, the man appears to be completely unaware that lion tamers exist. The incident occurred during a zoom call wherein the man expressed his views and interrupted others when they attempted …

Government promotes essential workers to ‘Superhero Status’. (“Superman works for free, right?” ponders a moustache-twirling official to his aide.)

In our time of need, healthcare workers, delivery people, chefs, and janitors have stepped up to the challenge and provided a gallant response to the ongoing pandemic. So much so that they have replaced our common notion of what a superhero is. We must afford them the same respect we do for the likes of …

World War 2 film spoiled by ninth grade history class.

Gosh darn it. This WW2 based drama has been absolutely ruined by my ninth grade history teacher and by several books, some mentions in newspapers and the internet as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, I’m quite glad, relieved even, at the outcome. Those Nazis seem like pretty bad blokes, what with their weird uniforms …

Domino’s has not sent me a COVID-19 alert. Do they not care about my well-being?

Standard Chartered, McDonald’s, Amazon, and many more have taken the effort and allocated some time out of their busy corporate lives to send me an automated message expressing their concern for my safety. I have however noticed that Domino’s have not followed suit. There can only be one conclusion drawn from this. Domino’s wants me …

Incredible! Lazy fool on verge of getting out of bed

How truly wonderful! A young man with no discernible maladies or ailments is about to end his nine-day streak of lying in bed with nothing to do. Or at least he's trying to do so. As he pushes his weight onto his palms to lift himself up just enough to stretch out his legs till …

I could beat up the 1970’s James Bond.

War. Combat. Brawl. Fracas. These are all synonyms of the word ‘fight’, which I just happened to look up. Also, kerfuffle. Love the word but if someone happens to die in a kerfuffle it no longer can be called a kerfuffle. And what I’m about to describe involves brutality to its highest extent. Frequently occurring …

Is the old man giving you vague advice a wizard or just insane?

“Help is just a crow’s caw away” said the man whose age could be anywhere between 40 and 90. Yes, he’s got a long, grey beard but he’s using a silly filter on Instagram right now, so it is impossible to tell just how many years through which he’s lived. There comes a time in …

Cat nuzzling owner affectionately really just using their neck as a headrest for a bit

Is this love or just lethargy? The adorable clawed spawn of hell that one young lady christened Snowball due to its plentiful, white fur has decided to express its appreciation and love for its caregiver. On one sunny afternoon the graceful beast planted itself on her owner’s neck and nuzzled her. The official dictionary definition …