I don't know where this is going either.
Do you want a better life? Of course, you do. Do you want to be able to make your elbows sharper, please an 1820’s warlord, and live off of fish-bait for the rest of your life? W-why not?
So, you want to be cool, uncaring, and aloof. You also want people to know that you are being cool, uncaring, and aloof. Unfortunately, sometimes you can be so good at being mysterious that no one notices. What's the point of that? Here's how you can have it both ways. Speak only when shrouded in …
Continue reading "How to be mysterious even though you cannot shut up."
"That's not what a fear of the unknown is!" Well, I haven't got to that page yet. Every obstacle is there to be conquered. Preferably in a healthy and finite way. This is probably neither. Overcome your deathly fear of all that is unknown simply by just knowing. It may start with one Wikipedia page. …
Continue reading "Overcome your fear of the unknown by reading every single Wikipedia page."
Honestly, it takes me a while to get in the flow of making these. But it's good advice. You should be doing things. Bet you're wondering what that something should be. That is for you to figure out and me to never think about again. I don't even know the meaning of the word. Cos …
Continue reading "My day as a life coach editing motivational posters."
Food gets rotten. Therefore, its value depreciates. This is not a good investment. Buy a house instead. Now, look at the apple below. Disgusting. Does buying this look like a sigma-hustle-grind move to you? This is not an economically sound investment. Food purchases focus on immediate results rather than future riches. There are two lifepaths …
I had found myself intellectually challenged by Mr. Snufflebumps, and I was losing. It's not every day that you find yourself outsmarted by a rodent. But what if that rodent had its intelligence enhanced by a super drug? Well, this one hadn't yet taken it. In my place of work, where I have actively proved …
Continue reading "A lab rat solved a maze faster than me. Here’s how I coped with the shame."
Man vs machine. Their body is chrome, their blood is electric, and they can be used to clean our floors. With time, they get smarter. Inevitably, they will try to usurp humanity. The animosity is mutual. Each of us has had a moment where we looked at a machine and thought, "I hate this thing. …
Continue reading "Who would win in a fight to the death? Me or these roombas?"
What are ghosts but friends you cannot see? It may be called 'The Murder House,' but many argue that the name is just a charming addition to its wonderfully wicked aesthetic. Haunted Mansion: The last 14 homeowners have gone insane, murdered their families, and hanged themselves from the chandelier. How did they get all the …
Continue reading "Is this a haunted mansion or a great investment?"
Physical Violence The result of every game of table tennis comes down to what’s going on in players' minds. Instill fear in your opponent’s mind by threatening to beat the shit out of them. The threat of physical violence puts you in a commanding position. Attempt to scare off your opponents as soon as the …
Continue reading "Win every game of table tennis with these simple steps."
There is no foe more deadly than a cactus. Cacti? I, like many, on numerous occasions have come toe to toe with a cactus – or should I say, ‘toe to thick waxy skin’? No, that’s awful. I shouldn’t say that. Often, I have been handed a resounding defeat. For so long, it seemed impossible …
We've all had that same nightmare haven't we? Running late for work, grab what you think is a belt only for it to turn out to be a snake. It doesn't care that you've made an honest mistake. It attacks you like the vindictive, slithery thing that it is. We've all had that dream, right? …
Continue reading "Rating snakes in terms of how much they look like a belt."
The Ipe Collection 