A man has just excused his rambunctious nature by likening himself to a lion. Stating that much like a lion he can not be tamed, the man appears to be completely unaware that lion tamers exist. The incident occurred during a zoom call wherein the man expressed his views and interrupted others when they attempted …
Government promotes essential workers to ‘Superhero Status’. (“Superman works for free, right?” ponders a moustache-twirling official to his aide.)
In our time of need, healthcare workers, delivery people, chefs, and janitors have stepped up to the challenge and provided a gallant response to the ongoing pandemic. So much so that they have replaced our common notion of what a superhero is. We must afford them the same respect we do for the likes of …
World War 2 film spoiled by ninth grade history class.
Gosh darn it. This WW2 based drama has been absolutely ruined by my ninth grade history teacher and by several books, some mentions in newspapers and the internet as a whole. Don’t get me wrong, I’m quite glad, relieved even, at the outcome. Those Nazis seem like pretty bad blokes, what with their weird uniforms …
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Domino’s has not sent me a COVID-19 alert. Do they not care about my well-being?
Standard Chartered, McDonald’s, Amazon, and many more have taken the effort and allocated some time out of their busy corporate lives to send me an automated message expressing their concern for my safety. I have however noticed that Domino’s have not followed suit. There can only be one conclusion drawn from this. Domino’s wants me …
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Incredible! Lazy fool on verge of getting out of bed
How truly wonderful! A young man with no discernible maladies or ailments is about to end his nine-day streak of lying in bed with nothing to do. Or at least he's trying to do so. As he pushes his weight onto his palms to lift himself up just enough to stretch out his legs till …
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Cat nuzzling owner affectionately really just using their neck as a headrest for a bit
Is this love or just lethargy? The adorable clawed spawn of hell that one young lady christened Snowball due to its plentiful, white fur has decided to express its appreciation and love for its caregiver. On one sunny afternoon the graceful beast planted itself on her owner’s neck and nuzzled her. The official dictionary definition …
Wikihow sued for aiding an attempted murder
Wikihow finds themselves in the hottest of hot waters – scalding, some may say – as they have been officially sued for publishing an article that authorities believe may have aided an attempted murder. The suspect who goes by the name David, for all intents and purposes, is a dunce that appears to be incapable …
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Scientists have created Artificial Intelligence so indistinguishable from human life that it too is a worthless wreck.
Brace yourself; K-861 has just announced an open invitation to his 1 year old cat’s surprise birthday party. A synthetic being with an excessive amount of nerves is celebrating the birth of a feline. An entirely pointless affair for a myriad of reasons. It’s a cat. Does it comprehend the very concept of a surprise, …
Local man clearly should have located black market(?) before pulling out own kidney
A local man was left red-faced, one kidneyed and possibly on death’s door when he removed his own kidney before finding a buyer. There’s a classic saying about counting your chickens before they hatch. That is; don’t do that. This stems from a common mishap wherein foolhardy farmers would overestimate their egg to chick survival …
Coronavirus warning to not touch face met with stunning realization that face is currently resting on hand.
Betrayed by your own five-fingered devices! BETRAYED! Much like Former Roman Emperor & current overused reference; Julius Caesar, many civilians were stabbed in the back by their right-hand men. In this case, statistically; their right hand. You may know your hand as merely a tool you use in order to pick things up, throw things, …
The Ipe Collection 