Drogon is a Dumb Name

Game of Thrones was a well-crafted and engaging show. So much so that for seven whole years, I completely glossed over the fact that Drogon is a dumb name for a dragon.

Imagine naming your dog, ‘Doog’ or ‘Dag’. What did Drogon eat today? Goots? I know there’s a perfectly good reason behind it, but the bottom line is that there was a dragon named Drogon. They could have called him Lord Puffington, Bendy Rick Slumberthatch, or even Dragyn. Admittedly, that last one follows the same naming technique as Drogon, but Y is an inherently cooler letter, so Dragyn gets the edge.

Overall, it was a near-faultless show. No one cares what people call the made-up lizard when there’s political intrigue, betrayal, sex, and violence. It was a phenomenon. It was the one show you could start a conversation about with a virtual stranger. Awkward elevator ride with a colleague; just ask the question, ‘Did you catch last night’s Game of Thrones?’ Uncomfortable Uber ride; can you believe what they did to Robb Stark last night? An intruder has tied you up; ‘Man, you’re such a Ramsay.’

The early seasons introduced us to this expansive world in which we could invest ourselves. Each Kingdom had its own unique personality. For instance, the Iron Islands were inhabited by a bunch of sea-based Neanderthals – or Seanderthals, willing to follow anyone who incapacitates their ruler – or some fellow with mild authority – on a beach. The Greyjoys’ words are ‘We do not sow’. They are literally advertising the fact that they can’t grow food. They’re a weird house, and I am glad most of them are dead, whether they were redeemed or not. But you could ignore them. And also Dorne. There were so many more lands and houses to experience.

The characters were so distinct, viewers could latch on to at least a few of them and declare them relatable, even as they fought an army of zombies, or had their heads severed, were generally brutalized, burnt to a crisp, poisoned, shot on a toilet, committed adultery and/or incest, or something unbelievably interesting like touching a tree like Bran did. Tyrion and Arya were definite fan-favourites, given their intellect and fondness for murder respectively, but I related to Sansa, solely because the Sansa from season 1 had as few survival skills as me in the present day. Yet somehow, she survived. Absolutely inspirational.

While we followed the intricate plots and schemes, there was a dragon named Drogon. Was it a dumb name even in season 2? Yes, absolutely, but I didn’t even think twice about it because Stannis Baratheon was preparing to take the Iron Throne and rule as the rightful king.

Then comes season 8.

A lot has been said about the apparent dip in quality. Though I agree with the general sentiment, I’m not quite as affected as other fans seem to be. We were given seven seasons of outstanding drama, and one season which was relatively goofy and at times borderline ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous. The dragon named Drogon apparently understands symbolism. After Jon Snow kills Drogon’s mother, Daenerys, Drogon turns on him. It looks as though Jon is going to be burned alive, but the giant beast seems to understand that it was not Jon who killed her. Not really. It was her own power lust that brought about her end, and the throne is a symbol of the power she craved. The big lizard with the silly name understood this and decided to melt down the throne.

See, he may have been poorly named, but he’s the intelligent kind of pet. The kind of pet that reads Chaucer, plays chess, and knows what a Chaucer is. This big, winged iguana beats me on all three counts.

For a few seconds, I genuinely believed that Drogon taking Dany’s body away was a continued demonstration of his understanding of nuance, and this was him trying to help Jon cover up the murder. It appears that I was mistaken, as Jon was imprisoned in the next scene.

That was option one. Option two is that the stupid reptile saw a knife in his mother’s chest, saw a chair made of knives, and decided that the chair was the culprit. This was probably the case, given that up until this moment he expressed no articulate nature and, I hate to make disparaging claims without evidence, but Drogon the dragon may have been illiterate.  In his defence, he is a dragon. And also, he’s named Drogon. He was always going to be a moron.

He’s followed orders well, good job, but as soon as he loses his leash – Danaerys – he goes and attacks furniture.

The final episode presented a lot of flaws that have already been dissected to the slimmest of pieces, so I will try not to rehash any of those.

Instead, I’d like to discuss the revisionist history that sprang up before the finale aired. Over six weeks, in the eyes of the general public, Game of Thrones dove from the best thing on TV to the worst. Justifiably so. The two men taking the brunt of the criticism are show runners David Benioff and Daniel Weiss (commonly referred to as D&D). They, of course, are responsible for a disappointing ending. But the way discussion boards have been going, you’d think they were untalented hacks who simply sat on their asses while the show succeeded.

Yes, the prestige level seasons of the show coincided with the run of source material from George R.R. Martin, but there have been significant deviations from the books. It takes effort and talent to translate literature to a visual medium, and through their work, D&D did give us at least six to seven years of pure entertainment and an eighth, which, at the very least, gave us some great memes.

The final season goes off the rails. I will not defend that. But I will say that D&D possibly never imagined having to write their own ending to one of the most-watched series of all time. When this all began, they had five books to adapt. Nine to ten years later, they still have only those five books to adapt. At the start, they must have thought that George R.R. Martin would give them at least one more book by the time the show was on its last legs. I believe it is unfair to retroactively discredit them for what made the show work before.

But endings do naturally give way to revisionism. When you know how things end, or are now privy to a secret that was kept earlier, you cannot help but re-contextualise all that came before it. There have been dropped storylines, regressed growth, and whatever else the million people who signed the ‘Remake Season 8’ petition complained about. Revisionist history is unfair but natural. We knowingly or not are guilty of it.

The scene which did it for me came in the last twenty minutes. Following Jon’s murder of the Queen, her most loyal soldier, Greyworm, demands that he be executed. But that decision lies with the new ruler. Who is the new ruler? Well, we’ll have to pick one. Why not Jon’s brother, Bran? Does Greyworm protest? No. Fair enough because, according to Tyrion, Bran does have the best story. He touched a tree. Also, maybe the new King will give Greyworm what he wants. He has not. Does Greyworm protest now? No. He sails away.

Bran’s sister makes a request for Northern independence. Bran agrees. Bran will rule the six remaining kingdoms while his sister, Sansa, takes the North. Do the other six kingdoms – one, possibly two of which were loyal to the previous Queen – even bother asking to rule their own kingdoms? No. We know that Bran is otherworldly and beyond this mortal plane or whatever, but most of the others do not. It was completely nonsensical.

But maybe this show involving medieval monarchies, an army of the undead, magic, strange shadow demons being birthed by a priestess, face-swapping, and, if you’ll believe this, tree touching, was always going to end up being nonsense. Especially without the leadership of the man who best understood this story.

Or maybe it was quite silly even from the beginning. After all, there was a dragon named Drogon. What a dumb name.