Iran changes name back to Persia to confuse American intelligence

“Whoa! Where did Iran go?”

That was the cry from top American officials.

With the looming threat of yet another endless war and/or semi-sanctioned invasion of the region, it is natural for all participants to look to seek a less nuclear option in order to sneak their way to an upper-hand. And it appears that Iran’s masterstroke was to perform the nation equivalent of wearing a fake moustache.

In several blinks of an eye, papers were signed and it was official; Iran no longer existed. In its place, Persia returned. Much like a child that has yet to learn object permanence, the United States’ foreign intelligence were left baffled.

This of course, leaves the United States with several questions to ask. Firstly, where did Iran move their country? Did they take all 82 million of their people along with them? Did they take their natural resources? If they didn’t, do we care where they went? Secondly, who are these Persia guys? Should we test the waters or go in all guns blazing? How did they form a country right before our very eyes? That is maddening efficiency, they’re probably a threat.

Some American commentators have begun theorizing that maybe there is a connection between the sudden disappearance of Iran and the near instantaneous appearance of Persia. While others have dismissed the idea as lunacy.

When reached for comment, President of Iran, Hassan Rouhani made shushing noises, gestured for reporters to come closer and whispered, “if we don’t make any noise, they might think we’re not here and leave.”