There’s only twenty four hours in a day. When you spend most of those hours philandering that leaves precious little time to, you know, actually do your job.
It may come as a surprise to some that a number of academy voters haven’t even seen Parasite. Is this because of the subtitles? Do they take issue with elites being portrayed as the antagonists they truly are? Either way, it’s a travesty. In every person’s life there are two sets of things you do. There’s the things you’re expected to do because it’s literally what you get paid to do, and then everything else. One set is supposed to take precedence over the other.
Honestly, how did they mess this up, movies are fun!
Regardless, here is a quick rundown of my observations of the Oscar nominated films.
Little Women
At 5”3, Florence Pugh is the littlest of the little women.
It is unclear whether this is extra good or extra bad.
Ford v Ferrari
This has been described by many as a film to watch if you want to bond with your dad. Unfortunately I am not a car person. Nor is my father. I can imagine our conversation ensuing as follows.
“That’s a steering wheel,” I’d say.
“Yes. Because it is a car,” my dad would respond.
1917
What makes 1917 stand out amongst other war movies like Dunkirk, Fury and Inglorious Basterds? This one’s not about World War Two. It’s about World War…..ONE!
Also, it’s an incredible feat in film making or whatever.
Jojo Rabbit
Speaking of World War One, this one’s set during it’s sequel; World War Two.
There are some very charming Nazis in this movie.
The Irishman
Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino. A reunion of icons. A throwback to a golden generation of noir-esque grit in the organised crime genre. Every cinephile’s must-watch masterpiece. With it being available on Netflix, it is easily accessible. There is no excuse not to witness this triumph.
However, seems a bit long. Have not actually seen it.
Marriage Story
Very very misleading title.
Other than that.
A lot of people love movies for wish-fulfillment & it’s fantastic that director Noah Baumbach could make a full feature film where his actor stand-in is constantly referred to as a genius.
Once Upon a Time in…Hollywood
This is the third in Tarantino’s series of revisionist history films. Now, he’s taken Brad Pitt from the movie where Hitler gets shot to pieces in a cinema, and Leonardo Di Caprio from the one where a German bounty hunter frees a slave who vows vengeance on rich racists, and brought the two together to mow down the Manson family. Also Bruce Lee gets his ass kicked.
More of that wish fulfillment.
Joker
Countless media outlets had warned us about this one. Sadly, I did not listen. I am now inspired to do Joker-y things. I told an elderly lady an off-colour joke. She didn’t give a shit. I have rioted for weeks & raided a sephora to paint my face. I have set three billionaire’s mansions on fire. When I see a staircase I now can’t stop myself from dancing. My feet hurt. Why are there so many staircases around? Life is hell. Also society is bad.
Parasite
Rich people suck. I love this movie.
The Ipe Collection 
Loved it!
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