Is RoBat Battinson’s jawline far too recognizable for him to have a secret identity?

We got our very first look at Robert Pattinson’s batman and I am mostly on board.

I do have one reservation about our boy R-Bats though. Also, before going any further, much like the upcoming film, I will be referring to him as ‘The Batman’ rather than Batman. The Batman is dignified and classy. Batman is just comic booky schlock. It’s like a reverse-“The Facebook”.

His jaw. That’s a special jaw. You see that jaw, you know who it is. It’s Robert The Batman Pattinson. There is no way he can have a secret identity.

Imagine living in Gotham City. I’m sure they have their own plethora of hyper-famous celebrities but one would assume that as soon as they made it big they’d move to a less dingy, crime-ridden, hellhole of a city. As a viewer our sample space is limited to the one and only Bruce Wayne, who made his fame through the classic route of inherited wealth.

At the same time there is a masked vigilante beating the living daylights out of mostly street-level thugs.

At first glance, the layman might believe that there is no link between a billionaire playboy & a man justifying his violence by declaring it justice. However, think about it this way; the subjects of the Batman’s aggression is almost always the mentally ill or the lower class. Had Bruce Wayne truly cared about ending crime he would have used at least a small portion of his unearned wealth and invested that into fixing broken systemic issues. Instead, like most billionaires, he spends on useless trinkets like mansions, caves, cars, belts, non-practical tools, etc. You know who else has all those things? The Batman.

And now we have Robat Battinsonman.

Combine the above details with the fact that Bruce Wayne has a very distinct jawline and that the only discernible feature of the Batman that internet sleuths would be able to analyze is his jaw. Surely a sizable portion of Gothamites would have put two and two together.

At this point I would assume contrarians would bring up the people of Metropolis. Just a few hundred miles away from Gotham lies the city of Metropolis, guarded by their ultra boy-scout; Superman. Ignore Zack Snyder’s gloomy take on the character for a second. If we lived in the same idealistic world that most of the Supermen swore to protect, I honestly would not bother to figure out who Superman is. He’s just a nice guy going about saving people from burning buildings and what not.

Additionally, compare the two cities. Metropolis looks a lot more pleasant. Gotham is grueling. In Metropolis you could probably go about your day without defensively reaching for a switchblade. In Gotham you need to constantly be on your toes. It makes sense that the citizens of Metropolis would be nicer, hence somewhat less sharp.

Other than that, Bruce Wayne is a celebrity. If George Clooney was gallivanting as a human bat in tights, we’d have at least have him on a shortlist of possible Batmen. Sorry, ‘the’ Batmen. Clark Kent is just a random fellow. A scruffy journalist at that. He’s a fly on the wall.

Imagine you come face to face with Clark Kent in a grocery store. There he is buying marshmallows and you see the face that’s been plastered all over the news. You might truly believe you are seeing Superman. But be honest, wouldn’t your mind go through the rationalizing process? Why is Superman going to the same supermarket as me? Is it the marshmallows that give him his power? Realistically, what are the chances that I, a common Joe, would be in the same vicinity as a version of Superman wearing sweats? Oh my god; we are at a supermarket. A ‘Super’market, it makes so much sense. Although, does it? Am I reaching here? Yes, yes I am. That’s just a guy. I don’t know him. No one does.

Lois Lane should probably know though. Does her boyfriend sleep with his glasses on? Does she go to bed with Clark and wake up with Superman and think nothing of it? Does she ever jokingly put glasses on her dog and go, “I have never seen this dog in my life”? The answer? Yes, probably. Metropolites have lived a privileged life and are naturally dumber for it.

If someone of Jeff Bezos’ status was sneaking around wearing spandex at night, we’d suspect it. And if Jeff Bezos had a jaw like R-Bats, we would absolutely know it.

And why is that? Our world is shit and we are more conniving and clever because of it.

A jawline should be enough of a giveaway.