Scientists have created Artificial Intelligence so indistinguishable from human life that it too is a worthless wreck.

Brace yourself; K-861 has just announced an open invitation to his 1 year old cat’s surprise birthday party.

A synthetic being with an excessive amount of nerves is celebrating the birth of a feline.

An entirely pointless affair for a myriad of reasons. It’s a cat. Does it comprehend the very concept of a surprise, a birthday or even a party? Let’s breakdown each of those aspects from the perspective of a cat.

Is it a surprise? I suppose shouting ‘Surprise!’ would surprise it but that is solely down to the fact that you are shouting. It’s a sudden loud volume. Of course it’s surprised. It does not understand the intent of the surprise. It’s not going to think, “I did not see this coming”, it does not know what ‘this’ is.

What is a birthday? First of all time is experienced differently by different species. Secondly, do cats even recognize or record the passage of time? I have never seen a cat wear or even read a watch.

Finally, what is a party to a cat? Why are all these people here? For all it knows, you’ve gathered a group of people to traumatize it. It would like them to leave because this is interfering with its ‘shit in a box’ time.

The fairly more important point in that opening line was that K-861 is not human. He/it is a synthetic being created in a laboratory. A being that is so incredibly lifelike that it too is a worthless wreck. The first of his kind. For years scientists have sought to birth realistic life through artificial and synthetic means and they had previously only partially succeeded in that endeavor. The only failing was that they could not part their own failings into their creations.

Previously, AI had walked among us but led such perfect lives that they immediately stood out. These had to be fake beings. How could they possibly have all of their shit together? Their perfection was a dead giveaway. There needed to be faults for it to blend in with other humans. And if it wanted to blend in perfectly, there needed to be many faults. Possibly too many faults. More fault than not. It needed to be a worthless pile of trash to be more like us.

The greatest minds finally succeeding in their quest to play God and to play God to the letter, leading many to ask the all-important question; why? What was the point of all that effort? K-861 just started therapy. He’s got anxiety, why would you intentionally give that to someone? He’s fiddling with his keys because he doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He pronounced ‘Bach’ wrong 5 years ago in a speech and he’s still thinking about it. This is just painful to observe.

When reached for comment, the scientist that helmed this experiment simply shrugged and said, “thought it’d be cool.”